Mental Illness Encourages Me To Freelance
I could probably survive more formal part-time work, but I don’t have to
My illness is chronic, treatment-resistant Major Depressive Disorder, and it’s a beastly presence in my life. More than just feeling sad, my mental illness has had me puking from stress more mornings than not — at least, when I try to work full-time. I’m genuinely proud of myself for being alive today, and thank the many mental health practitioners who have helped make it happen.
But one single factor seems to matter more to my mental health than antidepressants, more than therapy, more than even hospitalization: freelancing, instead of working full-time in a school.
In fact, there seems to be a direct relationship between working full-time and my severity of mental illness.
Overwork is Risky
For me, the psychology of freelancing is literally life-or-death. Most entrepreneurs have the choice to go back to work full-time, but I have solid evidence that would put me back in the hospital — or worse. What’s considered a normal workload is clearly overwork for me, personally. We all have our limits.
I’m currently stable, thanks for asking.
I’m also currently only working part-time, as a freelance educator and tutor.
It’s still kind of a shock to me, but as a freelancer, I have enough spare mental bandwidth that I can pursue side projects — like the garden, or blogging. I’m not spending every last spoon just surviving the day. That said, the big shaggy dog is still bounding around nearby — or lolling sadly, I guess, since the dog represents depression. It may return at any point.
I picture depression as a dog because, like a shaggy beast, depression just might shit on my carpet if I don’t give it enough time, attention, and energy.
Depression is one of the most common mental illnesses in the United States, and may be increasingly prevalent in the era of Covid. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, 7% of Americans have had a major depressive episode just in the past year. Amongst adolescent females, that portion rises to one in five.
